Infertility is not easy to deal with. I never knew how much it would still hurt. I was hoping that feeling would just go away. I know that I have been dealt this challenge for a reason, but why? I know that if I was able to get pregnant my life would be different. Trust me, I wouldn't trade Hollie and Ethan for the world, I KNOW they were to come to our family for a reason and would be here either way, but why couldn't I get pregnant also...is that asking to much? Maybe it is, but why? There are so many feelings I hold inside. Hearing people say they are pregnant is hard, seeing pregnant women is hard, seeing pictures of newborns laying on their mother's tummy is hard...that will never be me. Looking at blogs there are sometimes I just cry or just have to turn it off and not look at them for awhile, but it seems that when I do I just get frustrated. Trust me there is no one who is happier to see or hear someone who is pregnant, than I, because I understand that it is truly a miracle, but it will always hurt. Being infertile I carry so much guilt, guilt that one would never know or understand. it is so hard. I truly live through our birthmother's experience and I couldn't be more grateful for her, I love her more than she will ever know, she is my hero and she made my dreams come true. I will be forever indebted to her for her sacrifice. But, why can't the feelings of infertility just go away, I don't want to think about it, but I do. It is always in the back of my mind.
I got on my favorite blog today called the R house, this is an adoption blog. It just so happens that her post today is about infertility and car shopping. As I read this post tears streamed down my eyes and the words hit home. Infertility is a part of our lives in every way. You would never think car shopping and infertility go hand in hand, but they do. So does buying a house. The constant reminders of infertility are with us every day. I will always envy a pregnant woman and think she is so lucky to experience the miracle of childbirth. I wish so bad that I could, but I can't. I will always be grateful to my Heavenly Father for what he has given me for my miracle babies Hollie and Ethan, they mean the world to me and are my world. I will always have that question in the back of my head as to why I have had to endure one of the most heart renching of trials (to me), infertility.
This is how I feel today
A boat ride to see Christmas lights
They were so kind enough to let the kids drive their boat!
The Christmas Attire
Zoo Lights
A fun evening with the family. I am so grateful for them and for the joy they bring to my life.
Gingerbread houses!
This year I decided to start a new tradition and that is to have some friends and family over to make gingerbread houses. Ryan and I have been thinking of a few "new" traditions that we can start and do every year and this was one of them. I know Ryan was excited to make one, but instead he was a great father and helped Hollie make hers...maybe next year love. We all had a blast and it was fun watching the kids create their own. Believe it or not, but the mess afterwards wasn't even that bad...hooray!!!
Thanks everyone for coming it was SO much fun! Can't wait till next year!
Our Last Night
The sunset on our last night could have not been any better. We stood at the top of the ship and watched the sun go completely down..while eating a bowl of ice cream...it couldn't have been better!
Our last couple of days
Our last couple of days were spent on the ship out at sea. We did lots of relaxing, sleeping in, gettting room service, attending shows, and eating lots of ice cream and hot chocolate. We weren't outside much because the weather had really cooled and it was very windy. There were many activities going on inside that we were able to participate in and watch. One being horse racing, this was hilarious! Each horse had a name, there were 6 horses. The funniest name was hoof-arted (you would think Ryan made this is, but I am proud to say he didn't:). Everyone put money down on which horse they thought would win. Every round the horses were worth a certain dollar amount. The main guy "Stew" (who did an awesome job directing ALL of the activities) was the one who rolled the dice and called out which horse moved up one line. Whichever horse got to the finish line first one. It was so loud and people were screaming and yelling for their horse. We sat back and watched and laughed our heads off, it was great!!
Here we are in the dinning room. One of the activities was to take a tour of the kitchen...let me just say that that was amazing. I cannot believe how much food they make for one day! They said they prepare about 10,000 meals a day, yes a day!!!!!! That would be 80,000 meals for our 8 days!!! Oh my gosh! They gave stats on how much alcohol they have on board and that was a rediculous amount, the number of pounds of meat, how much water, everything...it was just amazing!
Here they were preparing for dinner. Look how BIG there pans are!
This is the soup. Can you believe all that...I sure couldn't...crazy
Well, this was my favorite guy. He is the one I looked forward to seeing everyday at 3pm...He was the ICE CREAM MAN. This is where you got yummy delicous ice cream with all sorts of yummy toppings and was simply delicious!!!(He didn't realize I was taking his picture)
The Sunset in Manzanillo
This needed to be a post all by itself. The sunset in Manzanillo was beautiful to say the least!
Manzanillo, Mexico
Manzanillo was our last port in Mexico. We arrived on Wednesday morning and spent all day here. For our excursion we did an outdoor tour, shopping, plantation and lunch at a resort. This was a great tour! We first stopped in downtown Manzanillo and did a little bit of shopping. Then we were on our way to the plantation in Mexico. This was amazing! We went off on a dirt road and were able to see where the banana's are grown along with coconuts, sugar cane and papaya's. We have never seen exactly how banana's are grown and here there were acres and acres of bananas. These banana's are the best banana's we have ever had!
The banana tree. The banana's are covered by newspaper and a blue bag.
Following our plantation visit we headed to this nice hotel where we lounged out on the beach and were served delicious guacamole and chips. This was so relaxing and I could have sat on the beach all day long.
Ixtapa-Zijuatenejo
Ixtapa-Zijuatenejo, Mexico. I can honestly say that this was our favorite port. The little city was beautiful, everything was so green and lush.
Acapulco, Mexico
On Monday we pulled into Acapulco Mexico. It was beautiful being in the front of the ship watching us come in.
In the evening we were walking along the beach and came to a bunch of men, boys pulling this big thick rope out of the water. We weren't sure what it was until we started talking to someone else from the ship. Every evening these men go way out into the water, in a small fishing boat, and drop the gigantic net. They pull the ropes in with them and continue pulling the rope in while the net is picking up fish. This is how they get their fresh fish everyday. It was a lot of work and took them a little about 2 hours to pull the net in and there were 12 guys pulling the rope...6 on each side! After watching this and thinking all the work they go to to feed their families you become very humbled and really see how blessed we are. There were kids running to get small fish and the mother's were standing behind the men with their bags. It was very interesting to watch how the people "live". 
And here was our home away from home. I have to say, I felt a little guilty getting back on this ship.
2 Days at Sea
Our first two days were spent at sea. Being on a HUGE ship was like a city on water. We were never board. We enjoyed relaxing, reading, people watching (always entertaining), eating non-stop, having ice cream at our fingertips, attending events that were planned while at sea, miniature golf, sleeping in and being waited on hand and foot! The list could go on and on, it was a blast. We were both so amazed at how a ship this big could float and have ALL that it has...AMAZING!
