Adoption

Last night Ryan and I had the opportunity to attend an adoption fireside through LDS family services. It was amazing and very informative. The speaker spoke on birthmom's and the process they go through to place their baby for adoption. As many of you probably know it is not an easy process for them. They are completely selfless and are doing what they know is best for their baby. I have such a respect and an unconditional love for each and every birthmom. I love to compare our birthmom to Mary in the bible. Our birthmom is doing exactly what Mary did and with just as much faith and love. My heart is so full and I have so many thoughts running through my head today. I will try and make as much sense as I can in sharing my feelings with you.
As many of you know our life has been tremendously blessed through the miracle of adoption. It was about 4 1/2 years ago that Ryan and I started trying to get pregnant and it was just not happening. After many doctors appointments, surgeries and infertility drugs we began to think that maybe this was not the Lord's plan for us and that maybe there was something else. That's when we began to look into adoption. We knew the certification process was long but we were willing to do what we had to. Low and behold within 4 months we were certified and within 5 months after that we received a letter from our birthmom stating that she wanted to place her baby girl with us. Oh, what a miracle!! We couldn't believe it. Our prayers had been answered and our little princess was on her way. She was due the end of March and we had 4 weeks to prepare. We did the necessities and were anxious until the day we got the phone call stating that she was born that morning at 6:02am, March 30th. I cannot tell you the overwhelming joy that flowed through our hearts. All I could think about was this precious child who was coming to us from Gods arms to our birthmom's arm to ours. (yes, that is a song and it's amazing. I cry every time.) Ryan and I were so lucky we were able to go and visit our birthmom and Hollie in the hospital. The second we layed eyes on Hollie we loved her so much. She was the most beautiful thing we had ever seen. She had lots of dark hair, a beautiful and perfect complexion and the most adorable chubby cheeks. Let me tell you it was very emotional, but happy ofcourse. A few days later placement occured and Hollie was then placed in our arms and we took her home. I just have to say that that is a day I will never forget. I will never forget the tears that filled my eyes as we parted from our sweet most beautiful and selfless birthmom, Amanda. I cannot explain the unconditional love that I have for her. I felt an immediate connection to her a connection I never thought I would ever share with anyone. It's an amazing feeling and at such a young age she knew that what she was doing was in the best interest of her baby. For the next week Ryan and I had the chance to spend every day with Amanda and it was awesome!! We got to know her and she got to know us. I wouldn't have wanted it any other way it was perfect. Since then we have kept in close contact with her and she continues to amaze me each and every day. I am so grateful to her and for her and for what she has brought to our life. I am grateful for the relation ship her and I have and I truly feel like she is my sister. I know many adoptions are not open like the one we have, but it has been such a blessing to us and I wouldn't change it for the world. I know that certain people are put in our lives for a reason and I know that Amanda has been put in our life for more than one reason.
As I sat last night and listened to the speaker I couldn't help but think of our sweet dear Amanda and how much I love and appreciate her. At the end of February our little baby boy is due and we are so excited. Amanda is our birthmom again and we are so grateful to her and for the decision she is making once again. She is an amazing woman and one who I will look up to, respect, honor and love for the rest of my life. I am so grateful for adoption and that it has brought us our, soon to be, eternal family of 4. I am grateful to my Heavenly Father for leading Amanda to us and for trusting us to raise her two beautiful children. I know that these children were to come to us, but they just had to come through a different avenue.
I just have to share something close to my heart because it's such an answer to our prayers and I know that Heavenly Father has his hand in our life more than we think. In November we had done some infertility treatments and they had not taken and we were not pregnant. I was sad because I truly felt that I was pregnant. I talked with Ryan a bit about what we should do and he said, Kerri, let's pray about it and we will know what to do. I agreed and we went on with our evening. The next morning I woke up and was getting a few things done and I had sent a text to Amanda asking her what she wanted for her birthday. After a few text messages I received another text from her telling me that she had a surprise for us. I asked her what it was and she said that she was pregnant. At first I was shocked and my heart immediately went out to her. She was in class and told me she would call me when she got out. I sat back for awhile and thought to myself about the situation. I was crying and my mind was running a mile a minute. I didn't know what to say or what to do. Finally peace came over me and I knew that this was an answer to our prayers and that this was to be our child. I wish I could explain to you all of my feelings but they are undescribable. I just know that Heavenly Father works in mysterious ways and sometimes things are not going to happen the way we think they are. He has a plan for us and if we can trust in Him and put our Faith in Him everything will be made right. This was the day that I finally accepted my infertility and new that our children were going to come to us another way and that Heavenly Father had His hand in our life.