is the gift of love. As my mind has been so occupied with everything going on; surgery, getting the kids weeks organized, family coming out, doctors appointments and just life itself I am SO grateful for who has come to our home this weekend. We knew that they were coming and now I know why they are here. Our beautiful birthmother, Amanda and her husband are here staying with us this weekend until Monday. Atfirst, I thought it was going to make things a little bit more stressful with ALL we have going on, but it has brought a sense of peace. As I sat across the couch looking at her I couldn't help but think of all the "love" that was sitting in that room. Her love for Hollie and Ethan, our love for them, our love for her, her love for us, her love for Alex (her husband) and our love for him too. It was great....beautiful! I am so glad they both are here with our family....they are our family too. With all that I have been going through I couldn't ask for a better person to be here right now than Amanda. She is the woman that made two amazing choices that gave me the title "mother" and how grateful I am for her. Because of her I have two beautiful children and I am SO blessed. It's amazing how life works. I couldn't imagine my children coming any other way and I am SO grateful for the wonderful birthmom they have.....she is amazing!!! I look forward to the fun, relaxing weekend we have ahead of us. I am so glad that Amanda and Alex are here and I am excited to get to know Alex more too. He seems like a great, amazing guy also who loves Amanda more than anything...I like to see that. Well, I will post more later along with pictures. I can't wait for Saturday when us 3 girls (including Hollie) are going to go get pampered...hooray!!!
Walk With Me
"Walk with me, "I heard him say,"Walk with me awhile today."
"Talk with me, "I heard him speak,
"Talk with me of the things you think."
Share with me the things you feel,
Share with me so you can heal.
Cry with me through your heartbreaks,
Cry with me when your soul aches.
Look with me, a new sunrise!
Look with me through opened eyes.
See with me the world anew,
See with me my point of view.
Laugh with me in pure delight,
Laugh with me it's all alright!
Sing with me as we stroll along,
Sing with me I love your song.
Learn with me your wondrous story,
Learn with me your prior glory.
Know with me just who you are,
Know with me we've traveled far.
Create with me and dreams come true,
Crate with me I create through you!
Walk with me on Heaven's shore,
Walk with me forever more!
Greg Olsen 2007
This poem has touched my heart in the last few weeks. I am so grateful that I came across it and it couldn't have come at a better time in my life. Going back to my post on "trials" this poem has brought lots of comfort in knowing that I "can" walk with Him and that He is right there next to me. The last month has been very trying and difficult. BIG decisions have had to be made and they are decisions I never thought I would have to make at this time in my life. I have leaned on my Father in Heaven and have prayed and fasted numerous times to know that our decision is right. I know Heavenly Father is there for me and is walking with me through this life. I have had to look at the sweet blessings that I have in my life, mainly my beautiful children, and think of how blessed I am. I know with out a shout of a doubt that Hollie and Ethan were to come to our family the way they did and I am SO grateful. I only know adoption and to me there is no other way. As I have pondered this and thought about ALL our options I continue to go back to my 2 sweet miracles and that they are. My family is my life, my everything and I am SO grateful that everyday I am able to hear the words mom, momma, mother. These are words I never thought, 3 years ago, I would hear. I am so blessed! I want to be the BEST mother for them and the BEST wife for my wonderful husband. After pondering, thinking, praying and crying every tear I have in my body with my husband we have made a hard decision and that is to have a full hysterectomy. Yes, this has been the hardest decision of my life, but I know that it's what needs to be done. I know that once this procedure is done that I can be the BEST mother and wife I can be. I am nervous, scared and have every emotion running through my body that is possible. Through all this there is a sense of peace. Through the last few weeks my mind has been confused, I didn't know what to do or where to go, there were so many options. After MUCH thought and prayer I feel that the Lord is walking me through this and is going to help me. I can honestly say that I am grateful for this trial and for what it has brought me. If it wasn't for this continual trial I would not have Hollie and Ethan. I couldn't imagine my life without them...they are my/our everything. My surgery is scheduled for June 23rd. I will be in the hospital for a couple days and then home to continue to recover. I know that this is what is to happen despite how hard it is going to be, emotionally and physically. I know that my Heavenly Father will be walking with me through every step of the way and will carry me through the rough times. My heart is so full of gratitude for all that I have been blessed with.
We have a gymnist!!!
Thursday was Hollie's last day of her first 6 weeks in gymnastics. When she first started I wasn't to sure how much she would like it. It took her a little while to warm up to her coach, but once she did she was very comfortable and confident. We have been SO lucky in that Hollie has had "private" lessons for 5 of the classes. And wow, has it been to her benefit!
Thursday as I sat and watched her do the stretching, balance beam, climbing the rope (with very little help), and the bars I was so impressed. There was a lady sitting next to me who took a few pictures of Hollie on the bars. While I was talking with her she was complimenting on Hollie and how good she is for her age. I said thank you and then I hear Hollie's coach yell, "mom, look over here, girls her age don't do this." I looked and watched Hollie jump from a small trampoline onto the bar and hold herself up (straight arms). 
Coach was SO proud of her and ofcourse so was I. I and the lady next to me were clapping and Hollie was just beaming, we were all so proud of her. She then preceeded to hang from the bar and pull her legs up and go around the bar with little help!!! Once again we were ALL SO proud of her and all that she has accomplished. Once class was over coach came up to me and we chatted about Hollie for a couple minutes. He is SO amazed with her strength for being only 3. I told him that we had her enrolled in the summer class and what he would recommend. He asked how old she was again, (couldn't remember if she was 3 or 4) and then said hold on. He went to the front desk to ask how old the kids had to be to be in level one and unfortunately she has to be 5. Coach said, Hollie will go very far if you keep her in it; she has the strength, tone and body type, coordination and desire. I was SO proud of my little girl! Hearing such an awesome compliment about Hollie just made me beam from ear to ear. Hollie has always amazed us by her strength and energy. We know she is going to be a great athlete because it is in her genes. It's fun and exciting to see a little 3 year old succeed like she did and LOVE it!! Way to go Hollie and we look forward to watching you continue to grow.
I just have to brag
For Hollie's birthday the theme was princess. So, I had this vision of making Hollie and tutu and and having a shirt embroidered for her that said, Princess Birthday 3. I did all this and I loved the way her tutu turned out. She was a princess. I got her picture taken in it...she wasn't happy and wouldn't smile, but that's my girl.
Anyway, one of Hollie's friends had her 3rd birthday recently and I thought I would make her a tutu also. I did and was SO impressed with it and how it turned out I was bummed that I couldn't keep it so, I took a picture of it and thought I would show it off. They are so easy, so inexpensive and SO fun to make and little girlies just love them!
Our Hollie
Since I did a post about Ethan I have to do one for Hollie too. She is growing up SO fast! I cannot believe that she is a little girl. I have recently enrolled her in preschool and cannot believe that time is here. She will start in August and continue on till she is done with college....yikes! All I can say is Holy Cow and hold on!!! Next time I blink she will be graduating college, I hope, married and starting life on her own. Wow!!
Anyway, enough about that, I will just enjoy the time I have with her right now and PRAY that We will teach her what is right and wrong and that she will make GOOD choices throughout life.
Okay, now onto what she has been up to.
She is in gymnastics and loves it. (There is a post about it further down).
Despite how hot it is outside she loves being outdoors and playing in the splashpad.
I don't know where this came from but she loves to carry her dolls around in her dress. As we all know I have never been pregnant so I am not sure how she got the idea, but meet baby Owen. Owen, as some know, is my brother's little baby. He and his family live in Utah and Hollie misses Owen so much that she decided to name her baby Owen. Yes, Owen wears pink, poor guy, and we cannot change is outfit per Hollie. We put baby Owen to sleep, in time out, he eats, drinks and even has poopy diapers. He comes with us in the car in his own carrier and sits in the middle between Hollie and Ethan. If he is being good he even gets to come shopping with us and his mommy, Hollie, gets to push him in his own stroller...I love the looks I get with this, but it's too cute! Owen is a part of our family and as Hollie says, "we love him so much". I love watching her with this baby, I love watching her imagination and pretend play, it's all SO FUN!!
She is turning into a little model and I have to admit I LOVE taking her pictures.
You may ask why she is standing by the fan? well, I have NO idea, that's where she wanted her picture taken.
She has on some lipstick and thought she looked WAY cute!
LOVE LOVE LOVE that smile
Hollie loves to help me make dinner and cookies and this night we were making chicken enchiladas and she wanted to be just like mom with her apron. No worries the stove is off and she is just mixing.
A HOT afternoon at the outdoor mall playground.How can you not love this picture....it tells so much!
I LOVE my baby girl!!
I LOVE my baby girl!!Our busy boy
I thought I would post a little bit about Ethan and what he has been up to lately. Like I have said before he runs a BUSY schedule and here is what he has added to he already BUSY schedule.
Opening the dishwasher, standing on it and taking dishes out.
Screaming when he doesn't get something that he wants that he cannot have
Climbing onto the train/lego table and throwing everything out....sometimes
Standing on top of his little sports center and making sure sister CANNOT get on it
Stands on this as if it's his motorcycle (takes after his papa Cowles)
Being SO DANG CUTE that I just cannot get enough of him
Enjoying his first EVER bits of an ice cream cone and LOVED it!! (I took, like, 30 pictures of him eating this because he was so cute and wanted more more more!!)
Boy, do I just LOVE my BOY!!!!!
Gymnastics
Hollie has been in gymnastics the last 5 weeks and LOVES it! We are simply amazed by her strength and so are her coaches. Some of her favorite things to do are; climb the rope, bars, and beam. Hollie's lesson is one hour long and the last 4 weeks she has had private lessons....not by choice, just because the other kids were not there.....great for us!! She has LOVED it. Having one on one attention she has been able to do and learn SO much. She loves watching the other kids on the bars and says, she wants to do that, and we tell her that one day she will be able to. She looks forward to going and we are so proud of her. Here are a few pictures. They are kind of dark because of the lighting, but hopefully you can see her.
Happy 30th Birthday to ME!
Yes, can you believe it I am officially out of my twenties, so sad. I cannot believe I have reached the age of 30. 30 seems to be so old in one way and yet still so young. Many, big, life changing events happened in my 20's and I cannot believe that those years are now just a memory. Wow, time flies.
For my 30th birthday my adorable husband was determined to have a birthday party for me. I told him to please not worry about it and that he didn't have to, but he did. It was so cute watching him prepare for the party throughout the week. He organized all the food, even made food assignments, got cake and went to Party City and bought decorations....I was SO impressed! There were family and friends that came to celebrate and we had a great time! Unfortunately there were no pictures taken so I cannot post any(Ryan did take some video, but that's it). Ryan, thank you so much for ALL your hard work, you did a great job and it was lots of fun, I Love You. Thank you for welcoming me into the 30's!!!!!!
Hey look, I found a couple pictures. Here are some of the kiddos having a picnic eating pizza
This is Ethan coming in after everyone had finished and was picking at their plates....it was hilarious. Here he had just picked up a can of soda and was trying to drink it and dumped it out all over the blanket....to cute!!
Happy Mother's Day!
First of all Happy Mother's Day to ALL the Mother's! Being a Mother is such a wonderful gift. I know how precious it is and I am SO grateful that I am able to be a Mother. Having a special day set aside for just Mother's is fantastic! I am not only able to reflect on me being a Mother but ALL those Mother's out there that have been a Mother to me, thank you.Me and My PRECIOUS kiddos that have given me the gift of Motherhood
We were also very lucky to have Ryan's dad and Pamela in town for Mother's Day!
Mother's Day has never been an easy day for me. I lost my mother when I was 8 years old and celebrating Mother's Day has never been the same since. I think about my mother daily and wish she could be here with me. I know that she is with me but just in a different way. Not a day goes by that I don't think about her or wish that I could call her up and cry, complain, tell her something special that the kids did or to just chat. I wish so badly that my sweet Hollie would be able to know her grandma Holly and who she is named after. I know that my mom had her time with Hollie but I just wish I was a part too. Having a mother in Heaven is special in its own way. I know she is ALWAYS watching over me, that she is a part of my daily life and when I have quite moments I can sit and just talk. One of my favorite things to do is write her letters. I have a few that have piled up over the years and they are sealed and are in a box. Sometimes writing letters can help knowing that she is not here and I feel like I have done something. I wanted my mom to know how much I LOVE her. Although she is not here today I know that I will one day see her again and what a glorious meeting that will be! Happy Mother's Day to you to Mom.
This is one of the last pictures taken of her before she passed away and I LOVE it! She glowed and was always happy.
Birthmother's Day
This is one of my favorite pictures of when we first brought Ethan home. I look at it and think here are two Mother's that LOVE their children more than anything in the world...precious.Happy Birthmother's Day Amanda!! Is that not awesome or what? A special day, before Mother's Day, to celebrate our birthmother's. I feel so privleged to be able to celebrate such a day. There is never a day that goes by without me thinking or speaking of Amanda. She really is a part of our daily lives and we LOVE it! I will always be eternally grateful for her and for the sacrifice that she made for Hollie and Ethan, she did it strickly out of LOVE. Hollie and Ethan are LOVED more than they will ever imagine; not only by Ryan and I, but by Amanda and I LOVE that. Amanda is an amazing girl. We LOVE her so much and are so grateful for her. She has given us something that we never thought we would be able to have. She has brought us SO much joy and LOVE. As I am able to reflect back on all the special moments that we have had together there is not just one that sticks out in my mind, there are many. Amanda has touched mine and Ryan's life in a way we never thought was possible. She is simply amazing and we LOVE her so much. We want her to know that she is always in our thoughts and prayers. I love hearing Hollie say "please bless Amanda" there is nothing that warms my heart more than hearing that. Hollie knows and understands and LOVES Amanda just as much as we do.
Thank you Amanda for being who you are. You are an amazing woman with so much potential and we LOVE watching you go through life. Always know that we are here for you and we love you unconditionally. Thank you for giving us gifts of LOVE. We LOVE YOU LOTS!! Happy Birthmother's Day to you!
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