We have a gymnist!!!

Thursday was Hollie's last day of her first 6 weeks in gymnastics. When she first started I wasn't to sure how much she would like it. It took her a little while to warm up to her coach, but once she did she was very comfortable and confident. We have been SO lucky in that Hollie has had "private" lessons for 5 of the classes. And wow, has it been to her benefit!
Thursday as I sat and watched her do the stretching, balance beam, climbing the rope (with very little help), and the bars I was so impressed. There was a lady sitting next to me who took a few pictures of Hollie on the bars. While I was talking with her she was complimenting on Hollie and how good she is for her age. I said thank you and then I hear Hollie's coach yell, "mom, look over here, girls her age don't do this." I looked and watched Hollie jump from a small trampoline onto the bar and hold herself up (straight arms).

Coach was SO proud of her and ofcourse so was I. I and the lady next to me were clapping and Hollie was just beaming, we were all so proud of her. She then preceeded to hang from the bar and pull her legs up and go around the bar with little help!!! Once again we were ALL SO proud of her and all that she has accomplished. Once class was over coach came up to me and we chatted about Hollie for a couple minutes. He is SO amazed with her strength for being only 3. I told him that we had her enrolled in the summer class and what he would recommend. He asked how old she was again, (couldn't remember if she was 3 or 4) and then said hold on. He went to the front desk to ask how old the kids had to be to be in level one and unfortunately she has to be 5. Coach said, Hollie will go very far if you keep her in it; she has the strength, tone and body type, coordination and desire. I was SO proud of my little girl! Hearing such an awesome compliment about Hollie just made me beam from ear to ear. Hollie has always amazed us by her strength and energy. We know she is going to be a great athlete because it is in her genes. It's fun and exciting to see a little 3 year old succeed like she did and LOVE it!! Way to go Hollie and we look forward to watching you continue to grow.

I just have to brag

For Hollie's birthday the theme was princess. So, I had this vision of making Hollie and tutu and and having a shirt embroidered for her that said, Princess Birthday 3. I did all this and I loved the way her tutu turned out. She was a princess. I got her picture taken in it...she wasn't happy and wouldn't smile, but that's my girl.

Anyway, one of Hollie's friends had her 3rd birthday recently and I thought I would make her a tutu also. I did and was SO impressed with it and how it turned out I was bummed that I couldn't keep it so, I took a picture of it and thought I would show it off. They are so easy, so inexpensive and SO fun to make and little girlies just love them!

Our Hollie

Since I did a post about Ethan I have to do one for Hollie too. She is growing up SO fast! I cannot believe that she is a little girl. I have recently enrolled her in preschool and cannot believe that time is here. She will start in August and continue on till she is done with college....yikes! All I can say is Holy Cow and hold on!!! Next time I blink she will be graduating college, I hope, married and starting life on her own. Wow!!

Anyway, enough about that, I will just enjoy the time I have with her right now and PRAY that We will teach her what is right and wrong and that she will make GOOD choices throughout life.

Okay, now onto what she has been up to.

She is in gymnastics and loves it. (There is a post about it further down).

Despite how hot it is outside she loves being outdoors and playing in the splashpad.

I don't know where this came from but she loves to carry her dolls around in her dress. As we all know I have never been pregnant so I am not sure how she got the idea, but meet baby Owen. Owen, as some know, is my brother's little baby. He and his family live in Utah and Hollie misses Owen so much that she decided to name her baby Owen. Yes, Owen wears pink, poor guy, and we cannot change is outfit per Hollie. We put baby Owen to sleep, in time out, he eats, drinks and even has poopy diapers. He comes with us in the car in his own carrier and sits in the middle between Hollie and Ethan. If he is being good he even gets to come shopping with us and his mommy, Hollie, gets to push him in his own stroller...I love the looks I get with this, but it's too cute! Owen is a part of our family and as Hollie says, "we love him so much". I love watching her with this baby, I love watching her imagination and pretend play, it's all SO FUN!!

She is turning into a little model and I have to admit I LOVE taking her pictures.
You may ask why she is standing by the fan? well, I have NO idea, that's where she wanted her picture taken.

She has on some lipstick and thought she looked WAY cute!

LOVE LOVE LOVE that smile

Hollie loves to help me make dinner and cookies and this night we were making chicken enchiladas and she wanted to be just like mom with her apron. No worries the stove is off and she is just mixing.A HOT afternoon at the outdoor mall playground.

How can you not love this picture....it tells so much!
I LOVE my baby girl!!

Our busy boy

I thought I would post a little bit about Ethan and what he has been up to lately. Like I have said before he runs a BUSY schedule and here is what he has added to he already BUSY schedule.

Opening the dishwasher, standing on it and taking dishes out.

Screaming when he doesn't get something that he wants that he cannot have Climbing onto the train/lego table and throwing everything out....sometimes Standing on top of his little sports center and making sure sister CANNOT get on itStands on this as if it's his motorcycle (takes after his papa Cowles)
Being SO DANG CUTE that I just cannot get enough of him Enjoying his first EVER bits of an ice cream cone and LOVED it!! (I took, like, 30 pictures of him eating this because he was so cute and wanted more more more!!)

Boy, do I just LOVE my BOY!!!!!

Gymnastics

Hollie has been in gymnastics the last 5 weeks and LOVES it! We are simply amazed by her strength and so are her coaches. Some of her favorite things to do are; climb the rope, bars, and beam. Hollie's lesson is one hour long and the last 4 weeks she has had private lessons....not by choice, just because the other kids were not there.....great for us!! She has LOVED it. Having one on one attention she has been able to do and learn SO much. She loves watching the other kids on the bars and says, she wants to do that, and we tell her that one day she will be able to. She looks forward to going and we are so proud of her. Here are a few pictures. They are kind of dark because of the lighting, but hopefully you can see her.

Happy 30th Birthday to ME!

Yes, can you believe it I am officially out of my twenties, so sad. I cannot believe I have reached the age of 30. 30 seems to be so old in one way and yet still so young. Many, big, life changing events happened in my 20's and I cannot believe that those years are now just a memory. Wow, time flies.

For my 30th birthday my adorable husband was determined to have a birthday party for me. I told him to please not worry about it and that he didn't have to, but he did. It was so cute watching him prepare for the party throughout the week. He organized all the food, even made food assignments, got cake and went to Party City and bought decorations....I was SO impressed! There were family and friends that came to celebrate and we had a great time! Unfortunately there were no pictures taken so I cannot post any(Ryan did take some video, but that's it). Ryan, thank you so much for ALL your hard work, you did a great job and it was lots of fun, I Love You. Thank you for welcoming me into the 30's!!!!!!

Hey look, I found a couple pictures. Here are some of the kiddos having a picnic eating pizza

This is Ethan coming in after everyone had finished and was picking at their plates....it was hilarious. Here he had just picked up a can of soda and was trying to drink it and dumped it out all over the blanket....to cute!!

Happy Mother's Day!

First of all Happy Mother's Day to ALL the Mother's! Being a Mother is such a wonderful gift. I know how precious it is and I am SO grateful that I am able to be a Mother. Having a special day set aside for just Mother's is fantastic! I am not only able to reflect on me being a Mother but ALL those Mother's out there that have been a Mother to me, thank you.

Me and My PRECIOUS kiddos that have given me the gift of Motherhood

We were also very lucky to have Ryan's dad and Pamela in town for Mother's Day!

Mother's Day has never been an easy day for me. I lost my mother when I was 8 years old and celebrating Mother's Day has never been the same since. I think about my mother daily and wish she could be here with me. I know that she is with me but just in a different way. Not a day goes by that I don't think about her or wish that I could call her up and cry, complain, tell her something special that the kids did or to just chat. I wish so badly that my sweet Hollie would be able to know her grandma Holly and who she is named after. I know that my mom had her time with Hollie but I just wish I was a part too. Having a mother in Heaven is special in its own way. I know she is ALWAYS watching over me, that she is a part of my daily life and when I have quite moments I can sit and just talk. One of my favorite things to do is write her letters. I have a few that have piled up over the years and they are sealed and are in a box. Sometimes writing letters can help knowing that she is not here and I feel like I have done something. I wanted my mom to know how much I LOVE her. Although she is not here today I know that I will one day see her again and what a glorious meeting that will be! Happy Mother's Day to you to Mom.

This is one of the last pictures taken of her before she passed away and I LOVE it! She glowed and was always happy.

Birthmother's Day

This is one of my favorite pictures of when we first brought Ethan home. I look at it and think here are two Mother's that LOVE their children more than anything in the world...precious.

Happy Birthmother's Day Amanda!! Is that not awesome or what? A special day, before Mother's Day, to celebrate our birthmother's. I feel so privleged to be able to celebrate such a day. There is never a day that goes by without me thinking or speaking of Amanda. She really is a part of our daily lives and we LOVE it! I will always be eternally grateful for her and for the sacrifice that she made for Hollie and Ethan, she did it strickly out of LOVE. Hollie and Ethan are LOVED more than they will ever imagine; not only by Ryan and I, but by Amanda and I LOVE that. Amanda is an amazing girl. We LOVE her so much and are so grateful for her. She has given us something that we never thought we would be able to have. She has brought us SO much joy and LOVE. As I am able to reflect back on all the special moments that we have had together there is not just one that sticks out in my mind, there are many. Amanda has touched mine and Ryan's life in a way we never thought was possible. She is simply amazing and we LOVE her so much. We want her to know that she is always in our thoughts and prayers. I love hearing Hollie say "please bless Amanda" there is nothing that warms my heart more than hearing that. Hollie knows and understands and LOVES Amanda just as much as we do.
Thank you Amanda for being who you are. You are an amazing woman with so much potential and we LOVE watching you go through life. Always know that we are here for you and we love you unconditionally. Thank you for giving us gifts of LOVE. We LOVE YOU LOTS!! Happy Birthmother's Day to you!

Trials and challenges

As we all know we have our trials and challenges in life. As I have been facing my most biggest trial the thought comes to my mind, "I will never be given more than I can handle". Well, this trial is weighing on me more now than ever before. The trial of not only infertility, but the cause of my infertility endometriosis. (now, I am really posting this for my benefit, to get things off my mind and express my gratitude to my husband and 2 beautiful children). On one hand I am so grateful for this trial because if it wasn't for it I wouldn't have my Hollie and Ethan and I couldn't imagine my life without them. Hollie and Ethan are OUR world, they are our everything and we love them more than anything in this world. We KNOW how SPECIAL they are and LOVE them SO much. I look at them every day and thank my Father in Heaven for sending them to our family in such a special way.
Getting pregnant has been impossible for us. The reason behind it is endometriosis. Now, I can ask all the why's, but there is no need to go there. A part of me understands why, but the other part doesn't and I know that one day it will all be made very clear to me as to why. We have done all the infertility treatments except for invitro; I don't feel a need to take it that far, so we haven't. After Hollie was born we knew that we wanted one more, so we started back at the infertility treatment center and there was still no luck. A few months into it we received notice of Ethan and knew that our prayers were answered. We are so grateful and feel so blessed to have Hollie and Ethan as our children. I firmly believe that they both were to be our children, no matter what, wether it was through adoption or not.
So, here is my frustration. In my mind I just figured that all the problems I was having would just automatically go away because my desire, my dream of having children came true. Yes, that may be nieve of me to think, but that's just what I assumed. Don't they say, once you have something that you have always wanted the problem goes away? Well, that has not happened. Matter of fact, I seem to think the problem is worsening as time goes on. I just don't get it. I have moments and months when I am great and then something happens, I go to the doctor and I am back at square one and the problem is still there, plus a few new problems. I am now at the point where a few BIG decisions need to be made and I really don't know what to do. I am probably going to have to have a couple surgies (not big I hope) and then do some treatment afterwards. The treatment is going on medication and I DON'T want to do that. I don't want to be controlled by medication, who does? Especially the stuff I would be on all has to do with hormones, why do I want to do that to myself, my husband and my children? One of the medications would put me through menapause, hello I am only 30 (9more days) can't we just take it ALL out. Nope, that is not an option because no.1 I am to young (well, I may be but my body is not acting young...hehe) no.2, as my doctor and husband say, that will turn me into another woman and I would still have to take hormones, ugh the fun of being a girl! Don't get me wrong I have talked to a few women that are on a couple hormones and are doing great and then you hear the nighmare stories. I know medication has its place, but I just don't want to be on it. Another option is to TRY and get pregnant again with some infertility drugs, ugh, do I want to go through that again? Then raises the MANY questions of; is there another child that is to come to our family, if so, how many? if I was to get pregnant would I be "high risk"? would I be on bed rest for 9 months? what if I have a miscarriage? all these questions and more run through my mind daily. I know what I need to do to find my answer but I am scared. Scared of what? Scared of hearing that I need to "take the risk" and try and get pregnant. I have closed the door on that issue and accepted the fact that I cannot and do I want to open that again? I am not sure. If it is what we are suppose to do, I will, but I am affraid of rejection for the umpteenth time. I am affraid of opening ALL that I have put away and facing it again. I have what I have always dreamed about and that is children, being a mom and a wife. If we feel we are to have another child why not adopt? I LOVE ADOPTION!!! I don't look at it any different than I would bearing a child. To me, I don't know the other and this is just as good, if not better because of ALL that is involved. Yes, it does have it's own rollercoaster, but I would do it 10 times over because it is amazing to me and I LOVE IT. The reason for getting pregnant would be to TRY and stop the endometriosis from growing and hopefully put it in remission. I am not just going to get pregnant for that reason, I don't think that's right. If pregnancy is what we are suppose to do then I feel it will happen for the right reason; because a child is to come to our family that way. There are just so many risks involved and unkowns and yes, life is an unkown also.
I have to brag for a few minutes and say that I truly have the BEST husband in the world! Before we were married we talked about having children one day, the family we would raise, the parents we would be and the dreams that we wanted to live. Going through all that we have with trying to grow our family was never talked about. Ryan has not complained once, never has put ANY guilt on me for not being able to bear his child. As he said to me the other day, "Kerri, we both chose this, you didn't choose it by yourself and I didn't choose it by mine." I couldn't agree with him more, but I still feel guilty. He continues to re-assure me everyday that he doesn't think twice about it. But still, I do. I fear disappointing him every time the pregnancy test is negative. I don't cry for me I cry for him. I would do ANYTHING in this world for him and why I can't bear his child, because that is what WE chose as a couple before we came to this earth. I am sure we did choose that because I couldn't have gone through ANY of this without him. He is my rock, he carries me through the good and the bad. He is ALWAYS there for me and LOVES me unconditionally despite my own trials. I have truly been blessed and I am SO grateful to my Father in Heaven for what He has sent me.
This is a little off subject, but it will all come together, you will see. Hollie LOVES High School Musical 3. She got the CD from the Easter Bunny and LOVES to listen to it over and over. Well, since she loves to listen to it ALL the time, I do too. This last week there is this one song that has caught my ear a few times and when I really listened to it and sat down and read the words it made me think of what I am going through and how Ryan has "danced" with me through it all.
Can I Have This Dance
Take my hand
Take a breath
Pull me close
And take one step
Keep your eyes locked on mine
And let the music be your guide

Won't you promise me, that you'll never forget
We'll keep dancin' wherever we go next

Chorus
It's like catching lightning, the chances of finding someone like you
It's one in a million, the chances of feeling the way we do
And with every step together
We just keep on getting better
So can I have this dance
Can I have this dance

Take my hand
I'll take the lead
And every turn
Will be safe with me
Don't be afraid, afraid to fall
You know I'll catch you through it all

And you can't keep us apart
Even a thousand miles
Can't keep us apart
'Cause my hear is wherever you are

Chorus

No Mountain's too high, no ocean's to wide
'Cause together or not
Our dance won't stop
Let it rain, let it pour
What we have is worth fighting for
You know I believe, that we were meant to be

Chorus

Can I have this dance
Can I have this dance

This song just makes me think about life and dancing through life with Ryan no matter what comes our way. I am so grateful for Ryan and the man that he is. I am one lucky girl to have such a supportive husband and who loves me no matter what.
Well, this post is getting really long and I think I have done enough complaining for the day. Don't get me wrong, I am grateful for this trial because of the blessings that have come out of it. I couldn't imagine my life any other way than where it is right now. I just wish I still didn't have to deal with "these" issues and hopefully I can get them resolved as soon as possible. I know it is going to take a lot of prayer, visiting the temple and faith. I know that we will make the best decision for our family and do what we feel is best. What it is, I am not sure, but hopefully we will find our answers soon. All our trials have their blessings in the end and through and I am grateful, once again, for my blessings that have come out of this trial.

Our weekend happenings..fun, adventerous, embarassing and memorable

This weekend was a busy one to say the least, but great! KC and Brookie came into town Thursday night and we were able to watch baby Owen on Friday and it was LOTS OF FUN. Owen is a PERFECT baby!! He is so cute and so much fun. I LOVED watching Hollie play with him, take care of him, sing him songs and read him books. We must have worn Owen out because he took a 3 HOUR nap!!!!! What? there has NEVER been such a thing at my house. I kept checking on him every 20 minutes to make sure he was still breathing, and he was, thank goodness. We had a great time and enjoyed seeing KC, Brookie and Owen. Thank you guys for a FUN FILLED DAY!!!
Saturday, was busy for me. I had a bridal shower to be at at 12 and I went shopping for the gift at 10:30am; nothing like waiting till the last minute. I normally don't do this, I am usually prepared. Anyway, I got home, tidied up the house, picked up the babysitter and then we were off to our ward Luau. It was a lot of fun and very COLD, believe it or not. Thanks to a great friend who brought us some jackets, that really helped.
Sunday was also busy. Relaxed in the morning, went to church at 12, came home early because we had to be at Ryan's cousins house for his daughters baby blessing. It was an eventful with a few FUNNY happinings. First off I was showering this morning and realized that the water pressure was low and that the water was lukewarm. I am one for nice HOT showers, not lukewarm. I was thinking why it would be like this and I remembered the dishwasher was going and that was the end of that thought until tonight. I was showering this evening and the water was still the SAME!!! What the heck, I said. I want my HOT showers. I called to Ryan and I said there is something wrong with our water, I have it ALL the way on HOT and it is LUKEWARM....what's the deal? This smile comes across his face and he says, that he was trying to save money and turned our water heater down!! I said, you did what? He said, I did it yesterday and I only turned it down 4 notches...only 4 notches, I said!!! Couldn't you do one at a time? So, he laughed and went and turned it up 3 notches, but I still got a cold shower. My cute husband always trying to find a way to save money. Next time, lets do it gradual and not all at once, please. It gave for a great laugh. I look forward to my HOT shower tomorrow....Hooray!!
Hollie, oh lets just say, sweet, cute, adorable and drama!!!! As we were on our way to the baby blessing she was throwing an outrageous fit in the car. I knew it was because she was tired, but it got to the point that it was funny. She was saying things that didn't make sense, trying so hard to get out of her seatbelt and to make it better she was great entertainment for Ethan, because he was laughing at her and that was making her even more mad as she screamed, "NO LAUGHING ETHAN!!!!!" It was a great memorable time! A time I wish I had my video camera, because it would be fun to watch one day. We finally made it to the baby blessing and there were a ton of people there, I would say close to 50. Hollie made it very clear when we were there that there were to many people there. She told me a few times, "mom, there are too many people here". It was really cute and how did she know to say that....smart girl. She is very observant and I am learning the innocense of a 3 year old child. We were sitting on the couch relaxing and Hollie was quick to observe something and was not affraid to voice it. There was a woman there who had a big smile and it exposed a lot of her gums and Hollie had to point and loudly say, "look mom she has gums". I was SO embarassed! I said, yes Hollie she does have gums, that's a great observation, but we don't point. We then were quickly off the couch and headed outside. Oh, the fun of kids.
Ethan. All I can say is that Ryan and I learned that when we go to family functions like that Ethan goes to a babysitters house!! This kid was CRAZY!!! I don't even know how to explain it except that we are going to be the family that people dread coming to their home. During the blessing Ethan starts to scream, so I start to close the sliding glass door and then Hollie screams, Ryan's cousin paused the blessing till I dragged my kids, quickly out the door and closed it. Yup, the Larson's are here and we make it KNOWN!!! So embarassing too, but I guess that is one of the MANY joys of kids. I don't think Ryan and I have ever scarfed down dinner so fast because Ethan was into everything and everyone's dinner. We seriously would pick him up, bring him over to the table kicking and screaming, put him down and he would be gone within .2 seconds. He had SO much energy!! I was really impressed. The evening was comical and I am sure our family was great birthcontrol for those who don't have kids yet. thank goodness we both were laughing and family was laughing too. Many whom have already been through this with their boys and just wished us luck. Lesson learned, next time Ethan will stay home with a babysitter.
The moral of my stories....I REALLY LOVE BEING A MOM!!!! There is so much that happens, memories that are formed,energy found that I never thought I had and SO much LOVE. I can laugh, I can cry and I can share moments with my kids that I will remember forever, and I can LOVE them unconditionally despite what they do. I am so LUCKY to be a mom and experience ALL the FUN that comes along with it.